you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
