What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
