Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
