Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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