Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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