apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
