Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
