If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
