hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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