The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
