im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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