And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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