What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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