New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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