very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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