If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize