I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
