Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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