he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
