Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
