if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
