omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
