Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize