I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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