I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize