ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
