oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
