i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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