Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we're making bets on your personal life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
