Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
