It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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