I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
