Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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