guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
