Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize