You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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