I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
