I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
