I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
