I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
