when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
