I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need water and some morals
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
