So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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