Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
