if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
pray to the hookup gods
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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