Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
