My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
