shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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