Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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