Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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