Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize