Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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