someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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