i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
