Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
