I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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