so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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