I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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