I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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