dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
