It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize