The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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