I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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