i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
