Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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