So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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