I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
