Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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