Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
