Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
