I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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