what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
