i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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