So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
