Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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