I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
