Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
