so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
