He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
