she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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