Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
