Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
