Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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