I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
