Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
