My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
