I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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