So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
