i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
