i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
