Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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