nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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