Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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