so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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