He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
