it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
