I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
