wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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