He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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