@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
