I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
